The Salty Sailor: February 2010

Hey there!

So I meant to blog this on Sunday but....didn't. I started a 100 day countdown to weight loss. It started on Sunday January 31st and goes through Monday May 10th. This is the amount of days I have left to lose the 60 pounds I promised myself I would lose. I technically started dieting about 2 weeks ago but wasn't really counting down yet. So I thought 100 days was the perfect number.

I have been doing great at sticking to my diet and also finished the cleanse I was doing. I don't think the cleanse did anything but make me a few dollars poorer. In fact I think it actually caused me to lose less weight then I would have without it. Usually when I go on the weight watchers plan I lose 7-9 pounds in just the first week. This time it's been over two weeks and i've been fluctuating between losing 5-6 pounds and gaining it back. Lame!!!!!

I started Alli today. I was going to wait until this weekend to start because I was afraid of the side effects. But, after the horrid weekend I had I couldn't postpone any longer.

This weekend was less then spectacular for me. I went to my parents house on Saturday so my dad could look at my car. While I was there I found an oh so flattering (sarcasm) picture that my sister had sent. It was a picture of me, my dad, my sister and her husband. Guess who was twice the size of everyone else...ME! And I looked like crap as well. Well, don't be surprised if that picture has gone missing. It's possible I destroyed it. I had been doing so good on my diet that luckily my confidence was pretty high that day so I wasn't too affected by the pic. However, on Sunday my world came crashing down. I felt great when I woke up. I put together my shopping list and got an early start to the grocery store. I managed to get everything that I needed and didn't struggle with any temptations. When I went to check out the clerk started to make small talk. She was really strange. Asked me how I was doing and then asked how my family was? Then she went on to ask me if I was expecting a baby!!!! I was able to stay sane and politely tell her "no", that I was just fat. She of course was embarrassed and apologized but couldn't seem to allow the subject to just die. Instead she tried to relate to me and explained that she new how hard it was to lose a belly after having children as she had, had three. I told her I had never been pregnant but accepted her apology in hopes that she would drop the subject. Nope! She kept going and going and going while I stood in shame in front of all of the other shoppers waiting to be checked out.

I really was fine with the mistake when it happened. It's not the first time i've been asked and it certainly won't be the last. Unfortunately as I left the store and drove home the clerks words started to bore their way into my confidence. It was no longer about a stupid clerk that said something without thinking but about it. It was now about me and my life long battle with being shaped like a Dr. Seuss character rather then a human woman. Even when I am thin I look wrong. I have skinny arms and legs, no hips, no butt and big beer belly. All I need is a little hair on my gut and I could pass for a man.

Well needless to say by the time I got home I was in shambles. I texted a ton of people hoping to laugh off the pain but it didn't work. My Sunday was ruined. To distract myself I decided to clean the fridge out. I found a half empty bottle of wine and thought, that was as good a time as any to finish it off. No need to dirty a glass I could just drink from the bottle. I did this while I had a good self-pity cry. I luckily managed to pull myself together before I drank the whole bottle. I put the wine away and calculated the points so I could still say I was going strong on my diet.

My bad mood followed me into Monday and my poor teammates had to put up with a less than friendly Amy. Finally today I felt a little better and am more hopeful. I can honestly say that even with the wine I did not stray from my diet. I have stayed within my daily point range and not gone one point over. I am hoping that with the cleanse being over and my starting Alli today I will start dropping weight and feeling better about myself. I am really hoping I will be able to fit into my pants more comfortably, sooner than later.

So today is actually day 3 of 100. Cross your fingers and wish me luck because when this 100 days is up i'll be in Sunny San Diego and hopefully feeling good in a swimsuit.

I am going to take pictures and put them on my blog entries to track my progress. Here is the first horrid one, taken today 2/2/2010.